I’ve realised, so early into this process, that it might not be just a shift from negative to positive thinking, but a more extended change of perspective in the way I see thing. For example, this morning I struggled with the idea of eating more eggs and toast for my breakfast than I usually would. When you have BED, you can’t really stop yourself, it’s all about control, or lack of it, really. But I had a stroke of genius (I’ve no modesty when it comes to my mental abilities, :D) and shifted muy perspective. Rather than focus on the comfort and satisfaction I’d be missing on if I didn’t eat the extra egg and toast I was fancying, I tried to think about the opportunities that not eating them would offer, such as eating something else, later, when I became hungry again, that would bring me equal satisfaction and make my nutrition more varied. I have to say, it did the trick.
One of the sources of negative thinking for me is my occupation: I am a stay-at-home mum. This is not what I wanted to be when I grew up, and it’s certainly not what I was raised or educated to do. If you’ve ever been a stay-at-home mum you will know how ungrateful a job it is. And it’s hardly something that will help you return to the job market once you’re done, because it doesn’t do anything for your CV.
Regardless of all that, and the fact that I couldn’t apply for any jobs because I don’t have any childcare, I still browsed the job search websites, only to be sad at the fact that there are a couple of interesting jobs there that I couldn’t possibly apply for. So I’m sitting here trying to spin that into a positive thought. Of course, I’ve time to knit and, more importantly, write and study. I’m trying to tell myself that my upcoming degree will afford me more opportunities when the time comes.
It’s such a long time away, though… But, in the meantime, I am telling myself to enjoy the time with my children. They do grow up so fast. Rather than worry about the future, I am trying to be more present in the present.