Day 9 – Headless Chickens

You know that feeling of not having stopped for a minute and yet having achieved nothing? That’s how I feel today.

Although one thing I have done today, and it’s go to the gym (again). Problematically, now I am tired and I don’t feel like anything other than going to bed. I’m tight all over. It’ll be worse tomorrow, most likely.

The thing is, I haven’t even had time to feel positive. I did get a moment of guilt that was strange. It wasn’t so intense as to overwhelm me, but it did occupy my mind and kept running circles around my brain. I did my best for a while to let it go but it just didn’t happen. Luckily I remembered a breathing exercise I’ve been taught recently and tried it out and it worked. Hurra for me!

At the end of the day, though, I feel unproductive. It was grocery shopping day (I couldn’t go yesterday because my daughter, E, was sick) and that seems to cast a shadow over my whole day.

It does strike me that I might be a bit hard on myself. I do have three children and I had my friends kids to watch today too, although they are not here for long and they’re not really any trouble. Is it maybe that I underestimate the pressure I am under and that’s why I can’t quite wrap my head around my feelings and reactions to those feelings? I don’t quite have an answer for this just now.

One deep breath. I will concentrate, as a close to this day, and with this brief message, on the idea that I simply did the best I could. And now, shower!


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