Day 31 – Looking Back, This is Progress

I’ve struggled with writing this today. Not because of the content that I am about to produce, which should be brief, but because I’ve been in the gym and then wrestled with the kids to go to bed in between trying to take a shower and now I’m just tired. That about sums it up. This said, I’ve pushed myself and did it because I had missed a couple of days and that’s not the plan.

The gym wasn’t great today either. I’ve done a Step class but I just didn’t have the concentration I’ve had other weeks to follow the combinations. And it was by far the hottest day I’ve gone.

It’s the end, also, of my positivity challenge. Has it been a success, you ask. Am I the picture you find next to ‘positivity’ in the dictionary.

To be honest, I am not, but there has been a lot of improvement which have more to do with a change of perspective and an ability to view the problems and urges in front of me from a different angle that have helped me deal with them and change to a more positive behaviour.

This has had unforeseen circumstances. For one thing, my perception of my own work as a writer has improved dramatically. This has allowed me to plan and research and work on a plot without putting myself down and accept the fact that, no matter what it is, it’ll be poor to start with and that doesn’t make me any worse a writer than every other dreamer out there. I think accepting that fact is probably one of the biggest steps any writer will take towards finishing a piece of work that might be worth submitting for publication.

Overall, I’m also more productive. I get to do the things I want and need to do in a day, such a going through ‘English Literature in Context’, reading ‘The Bat’, writing, and then doing chores and playing with the kids.

And you might think all this things are disconnected but they are not. The truth is that, because I have started changing my point of view, I am more confident and comfortable with myself, which means that I don’t need to constantly drown the negative voices in my head under a sea of mindless activities. That time can be re-invested in doing the things I want to do and, hence, feel more accomplished, which means my confidence and self-esteem, and hence feeds a cycle of goodness.

I am going to continue to journal here, though, because I feel it’s helping me but I think it might also help others.

On this words, now yes, I am going to bed.

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