Back on the Horse

As I write this, my husband pops his head over my shoulder to see what I am doing. He always seems to think that when I am typing fast is because I am having a go at somebody. Most of the time it’s just that I am typing fast.

I rarely have goes at anybody. I occasionally give an appropriate answer to somebody whose comment is inaccurate or ridiculous. For example, after the World Cup Final, somebody commented that the French racists would have a problem now. I replied that while being French myself and knowing a lot of French racists, the French had ultimately rejected the far right Front National while Britain had voted for Brexit. The pot, the kettle… you get the picture.

But onto more positive things. I’ve felt binge-y today. I don’t know why. I am not sure what I was thinking about. I am practicing being more aware of my thoughts but I don’t know what I was thinking nor feeling at the time. Still, I was able to recognize that I wasn’t actually hungry and I was able to wait till I was to eat. That’s what you call progress. I’m feeling very positive about that.

One of my great fears about losing weight is excess skin. And if you’ve had a few c-sections, you’ll know how aggravated the problem is by that. I’m feeling less worried about that lately and I think it’s also as a result of my progress with my self-esteem and overall emotional state. I find myself more positive when I see myself in the mirror.

And invariably, as I think this thought, I get a darker one coming up about relapsing and throwing all the progress out the window. Still, I think I might be able to correct those thoughts. I was reading a few days ago a book called Self Coaching 101 by Brooke Castillo, in which she postulates, based on the collective work of others, that feelings are caused by specific thoughts and if you can change the thought to something you can believe but more positive, you will then change the feeling and the ensuing action and result. I highly recommend it to, well, everybody. It’s also a very short book, so it’s not a huge task like some other self-help books.

My writing, however, took a back seat for the past couple of weeks. Not voluntarily. It’s just that since the end of the school year, Eden has been home and I’ve found it difficult to have routine like I had before. This week I seem to be getting back on my feet and I’ve written over 4000 words between yesterday and today. The Detective and the Ghost has broken the 50000 words barrier, which is pretty cool. It’s taken a bit longer than I’d have liked but the main thing is that I keep going. Nobody else will do it for me.

Good night and good writing.silhouette-2124183_1920


One thought on “Back on the Horse

  1. ptholome says:

    Dear Caroline,

    Don’t worry about things that could happen in the future as a consequence of your present actions. “Chaque chose à son temp” keep going on and on about it and you will solve the other problems when they will come out. Nevertheless, to get ingormation about them is not bad though you must avoid to get anxious.


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